I don't seem to update my journal much. I try to only speak when I have something to say, but that doesn't always work out.
I suppose the new year is just a number, but what isn't? Maybe it would be more correct to say that the new year and the changing of the calendar is a sort of wrapper or container for a lot of different hopes and feelings for the future. By abstracting these thoughts they may be a little easier to share with one another. It's an irony of existence that communication sometimes depends on not saying things, or at least not letting words sabotage thoughts. Peculiar, but who am I to argue?
There's a link at the top of the page that says 'You're Not Alone.' Very well meaning I'm sure, but it invokes some odd feelings in me. There's certainly worse things, but I'm sure it doesn't seem like it at times. I usually don't comment on such matters, as it carries a threat of presumption on my part. I don't really know what anybody else is going through, or what it means to them. It does strike me that 'alone' can mean so many different things, and can flavor life in different ways. There's that beige feeling of being surrounded by strangers day in and day out, and then there's the bite of a cold dawn without prospects. Alone can also be the surprise of bright leaves on a silent street or the desert at sunrise.
Oh, here's what I was thinking of: Sometimes 'alone' has a magic, when dreams and ghosts come to play. At times things will rise up out of an ocean of silence, leaving thoughts and sensations that take years to make sense of. The deep quiet sometimes splits into a chorus of different voices, and the rasp of the pen on the page seems to speak in character and the sound of tools turns into a sort of chamber music. Sometimes alone can be precious, but like pain its uses and meaning are not always clear.
Maybe I've just become lazy, but I don't feel a need to force meaning on to any of it. It leaves me freer to see when I'm not desperate for a pattern to match this life to. Many fit, but none perfectly. I think the best philosophical (and perhaps theological [read: theurgic]) advice I ever got came from an engineering text: "All models are wrong. Some are useful." Coincidentally, the second best was another engineering work. It was on airflow design. Something to the effect that "There's nothing quite so practical as a good theory." Both are useful invocations, and suitable to protect oneself from a variety of terrible ideas and their bearers.
I suppose that the thought I'm trying to get at is that I hope things are going well for everyone reading this. (Everyone except that one guy. You know what you did. For your crimes may you be struck by a ping pong ball and left mildly confused.) 2013 was a difficult year for many that were close to me, and I sincerely hope that 2014 is better. At the risk of giving advice unbidden and unwanted I... nah, nevermind.
Stay cool. Keep on keepin' on, and may the forces of evil be unable to find adequate parking on the way to your house.