First fruits of a strange harvest. In another week, I will have been here five years, having left behind all I knew and could not carry with me. It seems extremely perverse that success carries such a sense of loss with it, but stasis really isn’t an option for the living. Perhaps the emptiness holds some new potential within it, some novel germination of emotions and ideas after fire blackens the mind. In the end, the obligations of the professional entertainer are a blessing. Got to keep going, because what else are you going to do?
The city is catching fire again, coming back to life as credit card balances go up and a rising tide of monied stupidity fills the veins of the desperate city once again. I suppose the events of the past few years will all repeat again, more or less. I can’t be bothered with that. With the arid silence a quiet comes over all things, if you’re standing in the right spot. All things, once the city is muffled by either the walls of home or the sounds of the road. There is a paradox to escaping the city by driving through it. Tired and bright, the sun bakes the pottery mountains to whiteware and terra cotta. The iron of Precambrian life paints red lines of terra sigillata across the dawn horizon and then the day turns to an impossible blue. Me, the sun, the mountains and highway on my morning commute. It will never salve my sense of loss, but something stranger is happening as my memories of wood, water, and brick streets are fossilized and the details take on the unreal light and hardness of the desert palette. Perhaps in another year the burnished violet grey of the river in winter will be difficult to recall, but I don’t think so. More likely it will have a companion in the ivory of an oil painted horizon, at least until such time as all colors fade.
I wish you were here, or perhaps that I was there. In the meantime let me at least share the view with you, and if we cannot share the same fruit then perhaps the memory of the colors will remind us all of sweeter days. Here’s to the harvest!